Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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