I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
