sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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