Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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