Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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