it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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