when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
