we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
