Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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