his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
