It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
