I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
and you fell through a lawn chair
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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