eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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