I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize