i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
