I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
