Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
