apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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