i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
