Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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