I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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