He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize