when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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