I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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