I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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