vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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