Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
