I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
