I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
