sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
