This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
