My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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