he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
