He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
