ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
