You work out of a Hotel?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize