i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
