So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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