I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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