Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
