I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
