Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
