I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
