Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
