At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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