do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
