You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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