you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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