so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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