You made me cry and you don't even care
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
