Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
