your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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