the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
