Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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