she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
