And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
