I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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