sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You made me cry and you don't even care
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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