She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
