At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
