Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize