there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
