I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
