you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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