his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
