I accidentally had phone sex last night
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
