Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
